Reinvent ♥

    Not any kind of boyfriend though. I want him to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I want him to be my best friend. I want him to have bad habits that I'll hate but eventually learn to love. I want him to be attentive and caring. I want him to understand me and want/love me for me and not superficial things. I want to go steady. (Did I just say "go steady"?) I want to end wind up so hopelessly in love that nobody will be able to tell me anything. I want one of those loves that they write movies and songs about. I need somebody who won't give up on me when I play hard to get or have mood swings. I need somebody to call my own, who'll love me just as much as I love him- not more & definitely not less.
    I've never been one for boyfriends. As a matter of fact, I've always been anti-boyfriend until recently. Its like I want a boyfriend and then again I don't want one. Boys can be the worst creatures on the planet- mean, hurtful, rude, abussive. Then again they can be the best things on earth. They probably say the same things about us, but we can't really live without eachother can we?
    Boys frighten me. Its like, I never know what they're thinking or what their intentions are. They always stare at me like I'm some piece of meat or like, in awe or something. I'm  just like, maybe if you say something we could get somewhere. But no, never, the insist on staring until I pass by. I'm shy so I probably wouldn't say anything back anyway. Ha ha.
    The crazy thing is, I think I might've found the person who could give me all of this. Its a bunch of confusion in my brain. I might like him, but then again I might not. Every time I see him my mood lifts, there aren't butterflies, but there's a feeling in the pit of my stomach. Any kind of contact makes my heart race. Any normal person would tell the other person how they were feeling right? Well I think I'm going to continue to depend on my telepathy to tell him or send him a sign.
    Does he like me? I can't be sure. I always catch him staring at me. When I do he looks away really quickly...I think its cute. We have a very playful relationship. Everybody always thinks we're a couple- seriously, I don't know why, we always argue.
    Maybe its time I admit that there might be some attraction there. I've never been one to, uh, wear my heart on my sleeve, if you will. I always keep my feelings bottled up, it never ends well...especially if the emotion is anger. But that feeling, to connect with someone on a romantic level, I hate it. Its like you're out in the open, vulnerable, desperate, able to get hurt- things that I'm not used to. All in all, I *think* I'm ready to take that plunge...whatever that might mean.

I'd really like to hear your opinions on this. =)

    Now, you're probably thinking "She's a teen, she's supposed to hate school", but no, I actually like learning, its just my environment that's all wrong. I went to take my part 2 of my English regents yesterday so I dressed down (I go to a Christian school, even at gym we have to wear skirts *insert eye roll here*) and wore my normal clothes: jeans, a t-shirt, and Chucks. My principal wasn't even there on time, she got there at like 9:20 when the test was supposed to start at 9:15. When she saw me, she looked at me and said,
    "You have to go home."
    So I'm like "Why?".
    You know what she said? "Because you have on jeans and jeans aren't allowed in the school." *throws up hands* Unbelievable. So I walked away and started to call  my mother. When I got half way down the block she was like "Tanzania, come back here." So I went back and she told me that she would take me. In all honesty, if I would've had to waste my time and money to go back and change for a 3 hour test, I wouldn't have come back, and I think she knew that.
    Once we got in the car she tried to make converstation. I couldn't believe it. She knew I was mad, but she still tried to talk to me. I was giving her the silent treatment, but she just kept talking. I had my iPod but one of my ears blew out so I couldn't even pretend I didn't hear her.
    I couldn't even concentrate on the test, all I could think about was getting out of that school. I hope to God I don't have to return next year, because I just might jump off of thr Brooklyn bridge. I've contimplated it before because of this school, started bad habits because I've let them get under my skin. I can't let that happen again, its not good for my mental or physical health. We have another school in mind (public, thankfully) and all she has to do is fill out the flippin registration papers. All summer I will be bugging her about this and I will not be defeated.
    Have you ever listened to Empires? Its Tom Conrad's (yes, former The Academy Is... guitarist) new band and I must say these guys are fabulous. Go listen to their album Howl and download it for free. Yes, free. Its all on their website: weareempires.com

    Today I went to the beach & aahh it was so much fun. The only thing that went wrong was the salt water basically burning my exzema & making it even more noticeable. My hair also did this awesome curl thing. I like it alot...I think I might wear it like this more often. As I'm writing this I can still kind of feel the water going back & forth on my legs. Very relaxing, let me tell you.
    I was also hit on by a group of boys on the boardwalk. I was putting my clothes & things in my little bag & I heard someone go "hey mami, hey mami" over and over again. I was thinking 'they can't possibly be talking about me', but sure enough, when I looked up about 6 boys were looking at me and smiling. Creepy.
    When I got home I signed on here and to my surprise, my little poll got featured. Wooo! I was wondering why I was getting all these responses to it. Anywho I'd like to say thanks to whoever suggested me or however that goes. Its exciting.

    Oh and I never thanked the person that favorited me all those months ago! I'm touched; it made my day when I found out. Thank you. You don't have to reveal yourself if you don't want to. =)

What should I do for my birthday? Its in like 2 months and I still haven't figured out what I should do. So, any suggestions?

    I came to the realization that people insult the things that they don't understand or things that aren't "normal". What is "normal" anway? Lets see, the dictionary says:
nor-mal (ajective)- conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.
Not abmormal? Well, what's abnormal?
ab-nor-mal (adjective) - not normal, average, typical, or usual; deviating from a standard.
    So is it possible to be between these two extremes? I mean, I wouldn't say I was normal, and I wouldn't say I was abnormal. I'd say I was me. My mother always told me to never conform for anyone, she's always told me to be myself, and to never let anybody change who I was. I never do, but when you get negative responses to who you are, it kind of makes you want to change yourself, you know? Example: Today at lunch, the lady who makes our food found out that I was a vegetarian. So the  administrators son goes,
    "If she's a vegetarian, how come she has so much meat?"
    Now, I don't even like this kid that much. So when he whispered that under his breath, as if I couldn't hear him because, you know, I'm deaf and all, my dislike for him went up tenfold. Throughout the lunch period, he continued to whisper snide little remarks. This bothered me because a few weeks ago he was all "you never pay attention to me", and how he's making comments about my weight. Fascinating, isn't it?
    So here I am thinking about my weight. Now in my opinion I'm not even big, seriously. Sure I have a little extra, but a size 12 isn't big at all. Then I start thinking, well maybe if my thighs were a little smaller or my stomach was a little flatter I'd be better. And I realized that that won't be the case at all. No matter how big or how small you are or whatever, people are always going to have something to say. You could be as close to perfection as it gets, but there's always going to be people that try to bring you down or having something negative to say.
    By the end of the day I had decided that I am who I am, if it doesn't please somebody then screw them, they're not good enough for me anyway. And on a brighter note, my Cobra hoodie came yesterday!! Its way big on me, but it doesn't even matter because its still the coolest thing ever. :D

-Is there such a thing as too much punctuation?

    Yeah so at the moment I'm blasting Whisper War. My mother went to work so she won't be back until 11 o'clock, (hopefully I'll be sleeping) and my sister is at my grandparents house so I have the house all to myself. Yay! If I turn the speakers up any louder I swear they're gonna go poof. They're already doing that bass thumping thing.
    I'm supposed to be cleaning (my room is like a hay sack) but BUZZNET has pulled me back in. Also, my toe hurts like hell. Yesterday I was running and jumping around and when I finally calmed down that's when I hit my second to last toe. Unbelievable. You'd think it was the other way around, but noo, not with me. *shakes head*
    My house is freezing, but outside its unbearably hot. I went shopping on Jamaica Avenue yesterday and felt like I was going to pass out. Granted we're in the middle of a heat wave but I mean come on, that heat was completely uncalled for. Thankfully it goes back to the 80's on Wednesday. I can't reallly see at the moment because I have on my Kanye West glasses that my buddy bought me from YRB (Yellow Rat Bastard, for those of you who don't know), but they're awesome so I'm not taking them off any time soon.
    This was a completely pointless journal. I just thought I'd let the world, or at least BUZZNET, know that my toe is in major pain. (Yes, I'm an occassional attention whore. What can I say? Its the Leo in me.)
   
Question: What do you do when people insult your favorite band?

now, I don't know about any of you, but it is very dangerous for anybody who even attempts to bring their hand, fork, or spoon towards my plate while I'm eating. But when people actually STEAL food...this is a major, major problem.

here's my story:
so after watching the season finale's of Gossip Girl & One Tree Hill, I decided that I should get an ice cream sandwich. now, this was no regular ice cream sandwich, it was a special organic ice cream sandwich with cookies on the outsides to, you know, hold it together. I go downstairs & into my freezer to find it & to my surprise, it was no where in sight. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?! I'm usually a calm person, but when this information registered that my one & only ice cream sandwich left was GONE...I had a fit. I went on a grunting rampage, which I'm still in the middle of, & settled for a sundae. tomorrow, everybody in my family, even the people who don't live with me, is getting interrogated. when I find the culprit, I'd like to know how they found it...because I hid it very well.

I'm going to try & stop grunting & go to sleep.

has anything like this ever happened to you?

Okay, so last night I went to the Metro Station, Forever The Sickest Kids, The Cab, The Maine, Danger Radio concert. (they told us it didn't have a name. its just The Tour, haha.) I had the time of my life; it was so much fun! I was in complete fan girl mode after the show, only asking for autographs because I had nothing to say to them other than "Oh My Gosh! Hi, (insert Cab member name here), can you sign this for me please?" We actually missed The Cab's set, which was so disappointing, because when we got there we were gonna buy tickets but they were sold out, so we had to wait until 7:30 to get in. By that time The Cab came and left. ='[
I promised myself that next time I won't act like a fan girl and I'll actually speak to them and take pictures (no matter how sweaty I am or how bad my hair looks). *making a mental note of that statement.*
Now, I didn't even know that that many people in Long Island knew about or even liked Metro Station, but I found that out as soon as they hit the stage. The energy in the crowd was amazing, everybody knew every word of their songs. They did a new song, I think its called Come On...or something close to that. I can't really remember the name of it, but it was a good song. They played my favorite song, Wish We Were Older, and did a wonderful job.
Overall it was a great concert, excluding the fact that we missed The Cab; and if you've never seen any of these bands I suggest you see them right away.
I posted some pictures in my Concert Pics photo album so check those out & comment them! (please?)

p.s.-do you think there's such a thing as too much punctuation?

So, Death Cab For Cutie will be releasing a new album next month (no date has been specified as of yet.) It will be entitled Narrow Stairs. Their first single is "I Will Posess Your Heart" and its over 8 mintues long. Regardless of the length, I love the song. So, tell me, what are your favorite songs by Death Cab?

Its raining outside right now. I wish I could go run around in it, but I'm not home, so it'd be a little odd running in front of a building, haha. I'm getting ready to watch All Time Low on Jimmy Kimmel...I'm so excited for them! But I'm really tired, I haven't slept in maybe 14 hours && I have this crazy headache =[. but all in all I'm still being my happy go lucky self lol. yea, this was a toatlly pointless blog/journal thingy...I'll be doing a lot of these, feel free to read them. =]

so if you didn't know already, Cobra Starship is gonna be on Jimmy Kimmel Live on tuesday [3/11]! do they interview the musical guests?? idk, but if they did that'd be awsome. I can't wait! what song would you like them to play?? I want them to play One Day, Robots Will Cry && The City Is At War. =]

yay! ATL is gonna be on Jimmy Kimmel Live on friday [3/7] for those of you who didn't know already. on thier myspace it says it starts at 8 p.m, but I'm guessing thats west coast time. east coast would be 12 p.m....after the news on abc [channel 7] check your local listings to be sure though. I'm so excited! what kinds of crazy things do you think they're gonna do?? maybe they'll come out in their undies lol. (I hope so :D)